


Two Awkward Idiots Manage To Both Give and Receive The Hint

by Fox_Salz, Snailman



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dorks in Lust, First time with an alien, Illustrations, Innuendo, Insecurity, Interspecies Sex, M/M, Photography, Xenophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:27:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27970775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fox_Salz/pseuds/Fox_Salz, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snailman/pseuds/Snailman
Summary: Cronus is amazed when Dave actually agrees to come over and do a photoshoot. He's not gonna let this opportunity go to waste!
Relationships: Cronus Ampora/Dave Strider
Comments: 4
Kudos: 40
Collections: Dancestor Mini Bang 2020





	Two Awkward Idiots Manage To Both Give and Receive The Hint

**Author's Note:**

> And now my third piece for the Dancestor Bang! Once again I show my love of rare pairs lmao. 
> 
> The incredibly hot art that I've stared at far too long is by my wonderful co-creator here.

“Yes, work it, the camera loves you like a diabetic kid loves cake—in secret like Romeo and Juliet but can’t get enough.”

Cronus, who didn’t know what diabetes was, smiled at him with wiggling fins.

Dave was at his hive after somehow agreeing to a photo shoot. Cronus actually hadn’t thought he’d be down for it when he went to him the other day, mostly just asking because Cronus would try flirting with anyone once. Even with Dave there, camera snapping away as fast as his mouth, Cronus could still hardly believe Dave had agreed to this. He was like the coolest human!

“Hold your guitar like you’re on your fourth date and you think it’s time for the relationship to go further.”

Cronus groped the head of the guitar and winked. Dave nodded his approval, taking the photo.

“Damn, you’re rocking it like Buddy Holly rocked teenage delinquents at the local hop, but you won’t let the music die. She’s definitely taking you back to her place. Or he, who am I to gender your guitar? Give the little lady or twunk a kiss for the camera.”

Cronus did, fins flicking as he heard the familiar camera click.

“Vwhat do you think next, chief? I vwant as many shots to choose from.”

“I think at this point you’ll have enough for your whole discography,” Dave mused, looking him over contemplatively. “Shit, we could The Rolling Stones it up in this bitch, and I can take a close up of your jeaned crotch.”

“No complaints here.”

Cronus readily set his guitar aside, standing straight as Dave squatted down pretty close to his crotch. For a moment he adjusted the lens, Cronus using that time to muse how great it would be to have Dave even closer and without the camera, and without these pants between his bulge and that mouth.

The camera’s click brought him back to reality.

“Howv did that look?”

“Like it would be censored by the FCC for being too obscene, which was their way of saying sexy and tantalizing.”

“Swveet. Got any more covwer ideas?”

Dave stood up, and Cronus could see his eyes peeking out from the tops of his shades as he looked Cronus up and down. He was certain Dave liked what he saw. He wouldn’t be as into this if he didn’t, right? Emboldened, Cronus cast out a fresh piece of bait.

“Vwhat about one vwith no shirt, just my jacket?”

“Hell yeah, take a page out of Morrissey’s book and give us a peek at those goods.”

Cronus was already shrugging off his jacket. Dave held it as he pulled his shirt off quicker than he ever had before, brain whirring too fast for him to even be cautious about showing how eager he was. Shirt in his sylladex, Cronus put his jacket back on and flicked the collar up before striking a cool pose.

“Howv do I look?”

“Like troll Dionysus about to lay down some sick nasty decadence on us mere mortals.”

His fins wiggled as Dave brought the camera back up for a few shots at different angles. That was one of Cronus’ favorite troll punk singers! Notoriously hot, and always getting all the groupies; Cronus took that as a good sign.

He did a couple more poses with and without his guitar, soaking up all the praise Dave was spewing. He felt warm and hoped he wasn’t blushing—that would not fit into the image he was going for here. Didn’t want to screw this up like literally every other relationship in his existence. It was time for a new leaf, a cooler leaf, one that bagged a sexy human.

“How do you feel about undoing your pants?” Dave suddenly suggested. Cronus‘ head whipped towards him, fins perking up. “Just give the audience a little tease. Shit like that always drives the fans crazy.”

“You’re a vwisionary,” Cronus replied, fumbling with the top button. A claw snagged in the material of his jeans like some incompetent wiggler and he glared down at his groin like that would help anything. He was well aware of Dave’s eyes on him behind those shades. Damn it, Cronus needed to step up. He was so _close_ to something here, he could taste it.

After what felt like a damn eternity he managed to undo button and zipper both. Proudly he spread his legs, standing up straight to show off the boxer briefs now peeking out. Lavender, patterned in the different quadrant symbols and music notes. Classy and sexy, the two hit combo no one could resist.

Nodding Dave commented, “Nice.”

Cronus beamed at the approval. Fuck yeah. He was doing this. He was making it happen.

They did a few different poses, Cronus eating up the constant encouragement each one brought. He had just gathered enough courage to try for something more when Dave had another brilliant suggestion.

“If you really wanted to push the boundaries then you’d lose the pants, too. Punk bitches love that risqué stuff.”

Cronus had to stop himself from swooning. Also had to stop himself from just ripping them off because these were his best goddamn pair and hugged his ass just right; he wouldn’t have worn anything lesser to something like this. So with less grace than he’d intended Cronus shimmied out of his jeans and tossed them aside. Now he was just in his boxer briefs and jacket.

Fuck, a sudden wave of self consciousness hit him. Were they cool enough? Was he? Did Dave like what he saw or was he actually hideous? Mituna had called his grubscars weird looking when they were like six and he could never get it out of his pan. He’d tried insisting it was just how seadwellers looked, but Meenah’s grubscars weren’t bent in the middle like his. Hopefully Dave had never seen another nearly naked troll and wasn’t naturally repulsed.

Speaking of Dave, this time his shades were pushed fully up so Cronus couldn’t tell where his eyes were pointed. His chill expression didn’t change, and he wasn’t sure if that was a good sign or not. He swallowed and ventured a question.

“Howv do you vwant me, chief?”

“Bet you ask all the guys that.” Suddenly his cheeks were pink and he ducked his head, fiddling with the camera. “Go ahead and spread out with your guitar however feels right. Let your heart guide you like this is some real rockstar movie and you’re torn between your small town family and making it big. The music’s in your soul and you gotta follow it.”

“Howv’s this?”

Cronus, who had moved onto the bed, looked over at Dave expectedly. Hopefully. It was hard to keep his fins from wiggling, barely managing to keep them still enough so all they did was the occasional flick. He could feel Dave’s hidden eyes running over his bare leg hiked up beside the guitar head cleverly in front of his crotch and making it seem like he wasn’t wearing any underwear. His other dangled off the bed, one hand tangling in his sheets while the other gently held the neck of his guitar. He hoped this pose was as sexy as it was in his pan.

Finally Dave gave an approving nod and Cronus swore his pumpbiscuit started going again.

“Just like that, yeah. The music in your soul is a ballad and you can do nothing but give in to your muse. Yeah, that’s the look we want. Look right into the camera. Let the audience know that you’re not aloof, you’re into them and every stupid little thing that they say no matter how inane, even though they should really shut their goddamn mouth already and focus on you—the hot slab of musically talented troll just watching them.”

Cronus blinked, confused at the rambling instructions. How was he supposed to convey any of that? Dave must have liked whatever he was doing though since he kept snapping away from all different angles. Cronus just tried to smile.

“We’ve got some great stuff,” Dave remarked when he lowered the camera finally. He was on his knees below Cronus and gazed up at him, cheeks flush from all that exertion. Cronus was impressed at how seriously he took his photography.

“Great! Vwanna keep going, though? Or maybe just panstorm some other cover ideas? Still pretty early, no reason to call it quits nowv.”

“Sure, I’m down,” Dave replied, standing up.

Instantly Cronus scooted over and patted the bed, fins wiggling in delight as Dave took a seat, letting his camera rest against his chest as he leaned back on the palms of his hands and watched Cronus.

“So anything you got in mind, chief?” Dave asked, and for a second Cronus didn’t remember how to form words.

This was really happening. This _could_ really happen. Why else call him that playfully?

Trying to keep himself cool Cronus replied, “Plenty of ideas. A plethora, evwen. I mean, since vwe’vwe already gone this far, it’s only natural vwe lose all the clothing, right?”

Damn it, he hadn’t meant for it to be a question, but his nerves were getting to him. He didn’t wanna blow this, not with the coolest human around.

“Sounds like the natural progression of things,” Dave agreed. “Since you’re already pretty stripped it’d be weird if we didn’t go all the way. All the way naked I mean. You. Just you, naked as the day your giant mothergrub birthed you like some b-movie horror film. Well I guess you were ecto born too, so naked as the day you were accidentally cloned by one of your friends. Wait, were you cloned as eggs first? Fuck, I have no idea how that works.”

Cronus shrugged, all grins as he fixated on the important part.

“So howv vwould you vwant me naked?”

He tried so hard to sound casual— _professional_ —but it was incredibly hard. Giddiness threatened to bubble up to the surface so he gripped his guitar tighter, resting his cheek against the neck and gazing over at Dave.

“Obviously we’d want to show off your best features. Make sure those gills are visible.”

“You like my gills?”

“Shit yeah, those things are amazing.”

Cronus beamed and freely let his fins wiggle.

“Those things, too. Gotta make those prominent for all your xenophile fans. If they weren’t before you’ll have some converts after a naked pinup. Those are classy as fuck.”

No one had ever used “classy” in regards to Cronus, even tangentially. His fins started wiggling like wild, which made the corner of Dave’s mouth quirk upwards, which made Cronus feel hot all over.

Then suddenly Dave was saying, “Why don’t you strip now and we’ll take a few practice shots, get a feel for things?”

Holy shit. Okay, this was it. Time to show off what he had.

Cronus hurriedly shimmied out of his jacket then grabbed the waistband of his boxer briefs, aware this time of Dave’s eyes fully following even if he couldn’t see them behind those shades. He took a deep breath and pulled them off.

“Lot to work with here,” Dave said, voice a little strained. He cleared his throat, suddenly intent on his camera. “Why don’t you lie down, spread out, see what comes to you naturally.”

Cronus scooted up on the bed, draping himself across it and watching Dave. He got his camera ready and slid off the bed, coming around and taking several shots.

“Damn, we’ve gone from Deflowered to Undressed. Pansy Division would go wild for this. You’re just masculine leaning androgynous enough to get in.”

“You think? They’vwe got a vwicked sound. Vwersatile. That’s howv I try to be.”

“From what I’ve seen you succeed. Put that arm behind your head to prop yourself up some. Perfect. Now kinda spread your legs a little, tease the audience.”

Cronus readily did. The camera clicked a few more times, and Cronus tried to ignore the nervousness bubbling up. Just had to remind himself that he really was hot, damn it. His grubscars weren’t _that_ weird, and at least he wasn’t embarrassingly leaking pre-slurry like an overexcited wiggler. Though his bulge was straining in its sheath.

Dave kept snapping photos, having him adjust occasionally. It was as hot as it was maddening, and Cronus didn’t know how much longer he could last like this.

Then Dave’s hand was on his thigh, parting his legs just a bit. Unable to take it anymore, Cronus surged forward and pressed their lips together. It was not as smooth as he would have liked, but at least he met his mark. Almost instantly his bulge broke free, slithering out a few inches, and Cronus’ mouth opened in a gasp at the sudden relief. Dave pressed forward, deepening the kiss.

After a second Dave placed a hand on his hip, thumb stroking along bone. _He was into this_.

The kiss ended way too soon for his taste, and he studied Dave’s face. His cheeks were flush, mouth slightly parted. So damn hot.

“I was gonna make the first move and kiss you when the time was right, but I appreciate the initiative.”

“Time felt right to me, but vwhat do I knowv? I’m hope.”

Dave’s hand slid up, playing with his grubscar, and Cronus chirped.

“I mean, guess there’s nowhere else to go if you’re already naked except kissing.”

“It’s a good start, right?”

He had tried to go for more playful than desperate and unsure, but knew he hadn’t quite made the mark. To make up for it he flashed Dave a grin. His lips quirked upwards in return, hand squeezing his hip, and suddenly the grin was genuine.

“Yeah, definitely.”

Dave leaned forward and pressed their mouths together again. Cronus trilled, melting into the kiss.

His trilling intensified when Dave’s hand started stroking along his side.

Now that Cronus wasn’t actively keeping his bulge sheathed it freely slithered out to full length. He’d be embarrassed if relief didn’t flood him now that that strain was completely released. His bulge slithered around searching for any sort of attention or stimulation. When Dave’s fingers brushed a particular sensitive spot Cronus jumped and his bulge followed suit, beelining for them. The tip weaved through his fingers and Cronus groaned as Dave turned his hand towards his bulge, letting it twist around it freely.

“Adventurous little guy, huh? Actually I can’t really call this little, this is longer than expected.” Under his breath, definitely not meant for Cronus though he heard it regardless, Dave added, “Damn, Rose wasn’t lying. Really are fucking tentacles.”

“He alwvays gets excited by a pretty face.”

To his relief Dave grinned, head ducking. Yes! Cronus was so not used to his lines working. Instead of being slapped or shoved away, he got lips on his neck. Cronus melted, letting out a trill as Dave kissed along it. When he reached his gills he paused, hot breath tickling them and making Cronus gasp.

“It’s okay to touch these, right? I don’t want to hurt you.”

Fins wiggling Cronus explained, “They’re really sensitivwe but it’s cool to touch. Just, uh, not vwith a lot of pressure.”

“Cool cool, got it. So this is okay?”

Dave gently kissed the corner of one gill, and Cronus chirped.

“That’s _amazing_ , yeah.”

“Sweet.”

Dave continued kissing across his gills, being so damn gentle Cronus could die. He shivered when Dave licked them. It encouraged him apparently as he kept doing it, alternating between gills and changing up what his tongue was doing so Cronus couldn’t quite anticipate anything. Fuck, this guy was good.

Suddenly Dave’s hand got a little more active. Instead of passively letting his bulge twine around it, he got his hand around the base and started pumping it with long, deliberate strokes. Cronus pressed his forehead against Dave’s shoulder with a high keen.

“That’s a good sound, right? You’re into this?”

“Fuck yeah. Please don’t stop.”

Begging was desperate and pathetic but Cronus _would_ experience death all over again if Dave quit.

Dave chuckled, head turning to kiss his jaw.

“I’ve got you. Nothing would make me stop unless you told me to.”

“Ain’t happening.”

Dave kissed him again before returning to his gills. Fuck, okay, Cronus might actually pail without Dave losing any clothes. He was okay with this, closing his eyes and soaking up all the stimulation.

After a moment Dave spoke up again.

“I’ve gotta admit, I have many adoring fans of all species who’ve thrown themselves down at my feet, but you’re the first troll I’ve ever actually fooled around with.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. So I hope I’m doing this right.”

“You’re a natural,” Cronus hurriedly assured. “I can’t believwe I’m your first troll.”

“Might as well start with the coolest one around, right?”

Cronus lifted his head, fins flicking and wondering if this was possibly actually real because he could hardly believe it.

“Vwowv, so you really actually dig me?” Cronus wondered. So uncool to ask, but he was just so struck with disbelief.

“Hell yeah.”

No hesitation. Cronus had to stop himself from swooning.

“Gotta say the real thing is even better than fantasy, man. Your bulge is kinda cute. Super hot, too, of course. I think it really likes what I’m doing.”

“It’s got no complaints,” Cronus agreed.

His breathing was starting to get heavy as he edged closer to orgasm. Dave was just staring down at his bulge while he played with it and Cronus really enjoyed the look on his face. It made him feel sort of special, wanted. Cronus never wanted this moment to end.

Time still being a thing, it did. Cronus couldn’t hold out any longer and admitted, “Fuck, chief, I’m really close. If you don’t stop I’m gonna pail.”

“Fine by me.”

Dave sped up, and between that and his easy declaration, it didn’t take much longer for Cronus to pail. His eyes fell shut as he pressed his face into the crook of Dave’s neck. After a moment he felt a hand on his hair, petting him. Cronus gave a breathy chirp.

“Damn, that’s a lot of cum. Slurry, right?” Cronus made a sound of confirmation. “Fuck, it really is in your blood color. I thought I was just being punked.”

Dave’s hand left his bulge, and Cronus took a peek. He was examining the slurry coating his hand, pressing fingers together before pulling them apart. He swallowed as Dave brought the hand up to his mouth, tongue darting out to lick it.

“Huh, not as salty as jizz. Ironic, I like it.”

Cronus’ fins flapped wildly.

“Hey, you good there?”

Snapping back to his senses Cronus straightened and nodded. He tried to think of a cool and casual response but what came out was, “Yeah! Vway better than good.”

“Nice nice.”

Dave placed his slurry stained hand on Cronus’ thigh. Slowly he moved it up and down, more like an unconscious movement than something deliberate.

“I’m still good to keep going,” Cronus assured. “It’s only fair that after you’vwe gotten to see all this I get to see vwhat you look like.”

Dave nodded.

“Fair’s fair. Don’t think I can give you the show you gave me, though.”

“Let me play vwith the camera and vwe can try.”

To his surprise Dave actually handed it over, showing him how to take photos.

He started by unbuttoning his shirt. Cronus wasn’t much of a photographer but this was one hell of a model and he wasn’t gonna pass up the opportunity. He took a few, grinning behind the camera as Dave shrugged this shirt off. It left him in an undershirt that he lifted over his head; Cronus got a good shot of it halfway up.

Damn, Dave had some nice muscles. Nothing really big and flashy, but definitely enough to manhandle Cronus—just the right amount in his humble opinion. He snapped another photo, making sure to capture his mussed up hair.

Dave stood, hands going for the fly of his black jeans. Cronus might have leaned in just a bit, fins flicking in excitement. He kept the camera at the ready.

“I like your underwvear.”

“It’s ironic, but also cats are cool.”

As Dave pushed his pants down, revealing more of the feline covered boxers, Cronus snapped a photo. Then he snapped a few more as Dave remembered he was still wearing shoes and fumbled around with those.

“Next time I plan on getting laid I’m not wearing boots with tight laces, fuck.”

“They look good, though.”

“Being this hot has to come with some price,” Dave lamented as he finally got himself free.

All that was left were the cat boxers. Dave hooked a finger in the waistband and gazed over at him from the top of his shades.

“It’s pretty different from yours. Not as badass as an alien dick, but pretty damn exceptional for my species, if I do say so myself.”

With that he lowered the boxers, revealing his human bulge—dick. Cronus zoomed in with the lens, snapping a photo of just it. Thicker than his, definitely not tapered at the end. It pointed up like a still arrow.

“Vwowv.”

“Ever been with a human?”

Cronus’ first instinct was to lie because in his existence the truth only ever got him mocked and belittled no matter what it was, but then again Dave had been honest with him.

“You’re my first. I’vwe seen things on the Internet, though.”

“Gotta appreciate a guy who believes in research.”

“Can I touch it?”

Dave swallowed.

“ _Yeah_. Yeah, sure, that sounds great. Can’t accuse me of standing in the way of some friendly curiosity.”

Dave took a few steps to the edge of the bed and Cronus scooted closer, setting the camera aside. He reached out, trailing fingertips along his dick. Dave breathed in quickly, making Cronus glance up before returning all his attention downwards.

Felt a lot harder than a bulge. Solid, not flexible. Then there was that tip. Sort of like...well, he didn’t have a good comparison. Kinda bulbous. It was interesting, though, and at the very top was leaking a white, sticky fluid that Cronus gave an experimental rub at. Dave made a sound that went right to his nook.

Cronus really wanted this thing inside of him.

He made room on the bed for Dave who readily climbed beside him. Then he leaned over, hand on either side of Cronus’ thighs, and kissed him. Trilling, Cronus draped his arms over Dave’s shoulders.

This was nice. Above everything else, this was just _nice_. Someone—a hot alien!—was into _him_. It wasn’t mockery or a prank, he wasn’t being insulted or having his things broken, he wasn’t having to listen to the hypocrisy of the assholes he called friends. He was getting his goddamn naked body touched and appreciated.

Speaking of touching.

Dave eased his legs further apart and crawled between them, coming closer. He deepened the kiss as one hand trailed up his thigh to where his bulge was lazily curling, satisfied but not spent. It wasn’t ready to retreat back into its sheath while Cronus was still being touched by a hot ass human.

He brushed knuckles along it and Cronus gasped. Dave pulled back, lips quirking upwards.

“Not too sensitive are you? I can stop.”

“Then you’ll be a murderer because I vwill die.”

Dave snorted, hand shooting up to cover his mouth.

“Well I definitely don’t need the law coming after me, Terezi is mean as shit when justice is on the line. Besides, then I’d have to go on the run and be my own Bonnie and Clyde. It would never work, That’s just sad as shit.”

It looked like Dave might ramble more but suddenly he groaned. Cronus’ bulge, deprived after his hand had left, had sought out more attention. It had found Dave’s dick, wrapping around it.

“Fuck, okay, I didn’t even think about what this would feel like.”

“Vwhat’s it feel like?”

“A kraken is trying to capsize my boat and I am more than willing to let it happen and become one with the sea.”

Cronus grinned wide, fins standing up in delight with a little wiggle.

“Vwell then maybe you should just plunge into my ocean, chief. The vwater is vwaiting for you.”

“That sentence was ironically hot, which is also my favorite sort of hot. Oh well, guess I can’t escape fate. Time for the captain to go down with his ship.”

Dave pressed closer to him, dick rubbing against his nook. Fuck that felt amazing. Only problem was he didn’t go any further and Cronus gave an inquiring chirp. Then, when he realized Dave probably didn’t know the intricacies of different chirps, asked, “Vwhat’s the matter, Captain?”

“As amazing as your bulge feels around my dick, if it doesn’t let go how am I supposed to fuck your ocean?”

“Nah it’s fine, bulges are pretty flexible.”

His sunglasses were on the brim of his nose barely hanging on so Cronus plainly saw his confused blinking.

“Holy shit. So you can actually fuck yourself? This is singlehandedly the best day ever. I don’t mean just for me, I mean the whole of history. The discovery and harnessing of fire? Whatever. Obama’s inauguration? Cool, but eh. The first day a sentient troll hatched? Yeah look where that got anyone. Everything pales to this.”

Cronus started to laugh but it quickly turned into a high trill as Dave pressed into his nook. His head fell back, eyes fluttering shut. Dave didn’t stop until he was fully inside Cronus. He held onto his hips tight, cheek pressing against Cronus’ jaw, and whispering _fuck_ over and over. Slowly Cronus ran his hand up to Dave’s soft hair, tangling his fingers up in it.

“The rest of you is so cold so I guess it’s no surprise your nook is like putting my dick in a mini fridge, but somehow it still feels amazing.”

“Feels great on my end, too,” Cronus assured, still trilling.

Slowly Cronus leaned back against the headboard, pulling Dave with him. Dave turned to kiss along his jaw before his hips started jerking. _Fuck_. Right, okay, dicks were not prehensile like bulges, but that sure didn’t stop them. Dave kept snapping his hips, going faster and faster. Cronus dug claws into his shoulder blades. It was definitely not what he was used to, but Cronus had no complaints as Dave’s dick banged against his nook walls.

“Fuck, you feel so good,” Dave babbled. He didn’t stop, either, mostly saying nonsensical nothingness that Cronus hardly paid attention to, just content to hear his voice and have his breath tickling his fins.

Between this new sensation and his own bulge getting tugged along, it was enough to get Cronus pailing again. That seemed to do it for Dave as a hot, foreign slurry filled him; eagerly his seedflap sucked it up.

Finally Dave was silent, practically collapsed on Cronus and panting. Cronus gave a content sigh as a purr started up deep in his chest.

They stayed like that for a bit, Dave eventually pulling out and turning on his side, head on Cronus’ arm. He rested a hand on Cronus’ chest, lazily tracing some pattern.

“Shit, a guy could get used to these troll sounds. Feels as good as it sounds.”

In response Cronus strengthened his purring.

“I havwe some newv covwer ideas if you vwanna come back,” Cronus ventured, daring to hope.

“Hell yeah, I’m down. Can’t pass up the opportunity to shoot a hot model like you.”

Cronus’ fins wiggled like wild.

**Author's Note:**

> They work so well because both will fall in love with anyone who gives them the tiniest bit of attention/affection.


End file.
